Conflicting Advice/Momma Knows Best

For the first month, all I did was read, read, read. I read books, online articles by pediatricians, blogs by new moms, message boards, etc. Everything I could. I wanted to know how to best take care of my baby. I considered it my job - to take a crash-course in parenting. What are some ways to encourage her growth mentally, physically, socially? How can I establish a sleep routine? What milestones should my daughter be reaching by now? So I devoured all the advice I could. Sometimes I got the answers I needed, but usually I found 1,000,000 answers, each conflicting with the previous. Eventually, I realized they're all wrong if they're not applicable to the specific baby I am inquiring about. Even if a mom raised 100 kids and a pediatrician saw 1,000 patients, their advice is moot if it doesn't match up to my baby's temperaments, desires, patterns, etc. That's why advice should always be taken with a grain of salt. Co-sleeping might work for you; Ferber may be the approach you take. You can swear up and down that your method worked miracles for you. It doesn't mean it'll work for me or my daughter. I will read the advice, counter it against sound medical advice and then apply it as appropriate. And then change my mind later if I think it's appropriate. It's my perogrative. But in the meantime, I'm just grateful that God gives us intuition. I don't even need to read the advice to know what my daughter likes and dislikes. That's the only thing a new mom really needs to know: Read the books, don't read the message boards, listen to your doctor but ultimately go with your gut. It's why God gave it to you.

Not Sleeping when the Baby Sleeps/Brandon Walsh is a Dreamhunk

If people gave me one piece of advice, it was to sleep when the baby slept. While I appreciated the overall sentiment, taking that advice literally is not particularly helpful. First, sleeping when she slept was physiologically impossible. She sleeps for 15 hours a day! Not to mention that sometimes when I do actually nap with her during the day, I find myself even more tired and lethargic than if I stayed awake. Psychologically, it would be much more useful to use that time cleaning - not because I have some sort of obsession with cleaning (quite the opposite, really), but because that would help clear my mind more than sleeping. The sentiment behind the advice is to rest, because new mothers desperately need it. You're no good to your baby unless you're taking care of your own needs as well. But taking a shower, actually getting a chance to sit down and eat a bowl of cereal, watching TV, checking my email, writing, reading etc are all more relaxing than lying in bed in the middle of the day wondering why I'm not asleep when I'm soooo tired (hint: because your house is a mess, you smell like spoiled milk, you're hungry, bored and disconnected from the world cause all you do is eat-sleep-breathe baby). The advice should be rephrased "Figure out what's relaxing to you and make sure to build it into your day" but it's not nearly as catchy as "sleep with the baby sleeps".

Personally, I chose to use nap time to watch old episodes of Beverly Hills, 90210 on SoapNet. After 6 seasons of the 90s teen soap, I have decided that Brandon Walsh is a dreamhunk, Brenda is the original Marissa (lets build a whole soap around her, cast the most dreadful actress to play her and wait a few seasons to get rid of her before the show can be what it was meant to be) and drug use & cheating have serious consequences that can be resolved in just a matter of 2 weeks.

Poop Stinks, and So Does Advice Saying Otherwise/"Just Wait" Until I Give Advice That's Actually Helpful

People keep saying babies’ diapers don't stink "Just wait until they start solids" etc etc... But here's the real truth - to a new mom, it stinks. My Pooh Bear's diapers can make my eyes water. I'm 100% sure that once she does start solids, the stink will increase and I will grow accustomed to the new, much stinkier smell, thus making her current level of stink seem like perfume to my hardened nose. But to me, right now, my infant's diapers stink. Telling me otherwise is not helpful.
While we're on the subject, anytime you start a statement with "Just wait" you can guarantee it also won't be helpful. It's actually very discouraging. If you don't believe me, read this and this. I got this all 9 months of pregnancy, and it was just as NOT helpful then, too. "You say nausea's bad? Just wait until you start contractions. That's REALLY going to suck" You're right, but so does nausea. Don't diminish my current suffering by telling me how much more you suffered and acting as if it's something I should look forward to as some sort of rite of passage. I'm sure there will be a day when the worst possible thing will happen to me, but for now, my daughter's poop stinks.

maternity leave

My maternity leave expired last week, so in honor of my time off, I'm blogging all the things I learned the past 13 weeks. I'm starting with one of the most profound lessons I learned:

*Affirming my Calling/Those Who Love Teaching, Teach
By the time I started my maternity leave, I was mooooore than ready to LEAVE. After all, I had already planned a year’s worth of lessons and teaching while pregnant is exhausting (doing anything while pregnant is exhausting!!). I was convinced I was walking out the door for good. I was done.
Then a surprising thing happened – I missed it. A LOT. I missed lesson planning. I missed setting clear expectations and watching my students rise to meet them. I hated just seeing their grades and not knowing how they earned them or how I could help them improve them. I missed my coworkers and committees. I missed my students and the adorable things they say. I missed their laughter and their growth. I hated missing teachable moments anytime something happened in the news. I missed school dances and field trips.
I know with 100% certainty that I belong in the classroom and that’s where I’ll be come fall. However, I also know it can’t be the same as the previous years. I either need to change to a part-time position or just naturally learn to cut back (good luck with that!). I can’t work 50 hour weeks anymore. Baby Girl will make sure of it.

throwing off what hinders

Well it has been over a year since my last post. Part of the reason it has been so long is due to my not wanting to have start any new blog with an update. So I would put it off and then the update would need to be bigger and I would put it off more, etc.

So I'm not going to update.
Because I need to post. I need to blog. I need to start again and I don't need excuses to stop me.

Eventually, perhaps I'll catch you up. Because a lot of great blogs happened in my head in the meantime.

Until then, I'm just going to blog what I can when I can. It's good for me.

Here's what you need to know: I did get pregnant and I had a baby. She was born on March 2, 2011 and I'd love to tell you what an incredible journey it was (and is).

For the record, in an attempt to sort of be discreet because apparently that's the appropriate thing for mothers to do, I won't use her real name. Instead I'll be calling her many variations of things like Baby Bear, Sweet Girl, etc.

People who know who I am know who she is and those who don't don't need to.

So enjoy reading. It's good to be back.

Monday

Day 42.
After 2 weeks of confusing and misleading symptoms and anxiously awaiting a sign one way or the other, I decide to take yet another pregnancy test.
After I set the stick down and start the 2-minute timer, I notice my period has started after all.

Today is possibly the worst Monday of them all.

negative is negative

The overwhelming majority of me really wants to believe the negative test. I knew my heart would break if I took it and it was negative. The moment I buy a test, I believe it could have a positive result (otherwise I wouldn't have bought it - why are pee sticks so expensive?).

But I bought it anyway. and I took one last night and one this morning for good measure. I took them without really experiencing any of the Fantastic Five that are usually associated with pregnancy - Frequent Restroom Breaks, Fatigue, Morning sickness, Sore Breasts, and the obvious Missed Period...

okay, so there was that day when I barely made it to the end of the school day without taking a nap on my desk - but what teacher working 50hr+ weeks doesn't feel that way??
and well I AM on Day 36 of my cycle, but remember a couple cycles ago? I might as well have called it Lent cause I apparently gave up menstruation for 40 days. They say not to worry until a few days after your longest period. Without any of those other symptoms, I was planning on doing just that.

But, then I had a weird cramp. I told my pregnancy-expert friend who said that matched what is referred to as "implantation cramping" and I need to take a test.
She told me while I was several hours away from home, so on the long drive back all I did was contemplate the likelihood that this was so.

I thought about the big five. I'm not all that symptomatic with PMS as it is, and not everybody experiences those. Maybe there are other signs. I did break out about a week ago. Acne has been associated with the hormonal changes in pregnancy. Coupled with some other symptoms that may or may not be legit, I started to believe it.

So before we pulled in for the night, I bought the test and put all my hopes and dreams in it. My expectations were now resting upon a $7 piece of plastic. The two-minute mark came and there was just a negative sign. By the time I repeated it in the morning, I still had some hope for a positive.

Going to church this morning, my heart was broken. The heart I had been trying so hard to protect. If I could just have 28 day cycles every month, this wouldnt be a problem. I started cursing the heavens and blaming God for not protecting me. And as I sat there, I thought about how grateful I am that I only told two people I was even taking the test - my husband and the friend who told me to take it. It hurt me just to tell them because I knew their expectations were high too. They were just as confused. I didn't want to be sitting in a room full of happy shiny people when all I wanted to do was cry.

But the music sang about a wonderful God we could trust. The hope we have in the Creator. The strength we get from His presence.
And the message was about needing each other. And how in the pain and struggles of the world, the one place and the one time we can get healing, no matter what, is church. That God meets us here to redeem us once again from the hurt and destruction that is caused throughout the week. He reminded us that God meets us everywhere, but sometimes we forget He exists at all until we're surrounded by those who testify about Him. We can trust His timing. We need to surrender our control to Him.

And I remembered that's what I said I would do. I gave him this child. I gave him this pregnancy. This whole trying affair.
But He needs more. I need to surrender all. My self, my life, my all. I can't give him a piece of me and not the whole thing, cause they're attached. I need to give him my heart. My expectations. My hopes and fears. Let Him tell me what to expect, what to read, what to be afraid of, what to plan ahead of time and what to wait on...

So here's my white flag.